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sex (1789 views, 186 replies)

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admin
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(3mo)
You
Looked!


Sex emoji combinations!

www.buzzfeed.com/lorynbrantz/nic...









...More found on the above link!

smiley smiley

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God
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guru
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(3mo)
@delamitri Females, always the mercenary attitude comes out eventually....

+3
 

expert
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(3mo)
@delamitri LMAO****

+1
 

master
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(2mo)
@delamitri that's so fummy!!!hah hah!hey, males prostitutes get paid money!!

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box
(3mo)
I have been working on the translation for the "love hieroglyphics" but I don't think I am doing it right. I got

1. ROCKET HIPPY LOVE

2. CUCUMBER POOH BEAR OUTDOOR FIREWORKS

3. HOOTIE CUCUMBER JAGGER LIPS


Can't find the sex in any of these ... can any of the tutors of this thread help.

Yours,

Wit's end.

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senior guru
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(3mo)
@box It's not a cucumber, it's an eggplant (a.k.a. an aubergine)...

1: Rocket = penis, flower = vagina, combine the two to get a happy lovey-dovey face.

2: Eggplant = penis, honeypot = vagina, combine the two to make fireworks

3: Eggplant = penis, Lips = lips/mouth, Pufferfish (a.k.a Blowfish) = the act of oral sex

+2
 

master
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(3mo)
smiley

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God
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(3mo)
@St3wie Hahaha...she gets you every time!

+1
 

master
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(2mo)
@St3wie Stewie is so cute, hee hee.

+2
 

admin
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(3mo)
Ut oh, St3wie fell for it again!

Quick, someone post the horse video!! smiley smiley

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senior guru
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(3mo)
@Ravenousbird Mr. Hands...? smiley smiley

+2
 

admin
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(3mo)
@Lurkio What? I have no clue what you mean (which means it's probably staring me in the face). lol

Gimme a hint???

+1
 

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(3mo)
@Ravenousbird It's a pretty infamous story from about 2005 that's also known as the 'Enumclaw horse sex case', if you don't know what it is do yourself a huge favour and definitely do not search for it...

+1
 

admin
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@Lurkio Haha, I'm grateful you wrote that. I won't!

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(3mo)
@Lurkio it's much worse


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(3mo)
@uunboundd I don't know, dying from a perforated colon seems like it'd be pretty bad... the song, in questionable taste though it is, seems fairly tame by comparison...
.
.
.
too deep? too deep?

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@delamitri omg that's so old smiley everyone knows it's all in the butt.

0
 

God
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@uunboundd smiley
I guess I need to get with the times. My husband would love that.

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(3mo)
@delamitri probably, just tell him it was your idea though smiley

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master
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(2mo)
@delamitri HAH HAH WHAT A SCREAMM!!!

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admin
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(3mo)
Must be American. smiley smiley smiley


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master
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(2mo)
@Ravenousbird HUH, weiners that are BARE??OK!!I'd go for that!!

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smiley


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God
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senior guru
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senior guru
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God
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@Lurkio smiley
Does anyone have some antibiotics, Lithium and a moving van I could borrow?

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master
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box
(3mo)
@delamitri Antibiotics ....Check

Lithium ........Check

Moving van .....Need more info.

Could do you a helicopter for the moving garden gnome you claimed to have out back.

Fake passport (with pink dots included).

+2
 

master
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box
(3mo)

+1
 

master
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(2mo)
@Lurkio OH MY GAWWD.

0
 

master
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box
(3mo)
Ok, some important info I need to share with you all. First the boys...




Now the girls ...




and finally for both ...


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master
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box
(3mo)
@box I would be the Pleasure Injector in the Barely Boob category.

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God
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@box smiley

I'm Tuna Curtains Barely Boobs, striving for Can't Complain, via one extra helping of dinner every night.

+1
 

master
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box
(3mo)
@delamitri smiley smiley smiley

I hear a helping of Guinness helps in that department. Doctors recommended drinking one bottle a day to help boost milk supply in lactating women.

Or the implants ... instant and alcohol free.

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God
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@box Hahaha, if only I were lactating.

0
 

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(3mo)
@delamitri I love a good milk shake.

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master
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box
(3mo)
@Crutchbender Let me guess - the Beast Destroyer!

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God
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+1
 

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@box Woo hoo! I love it!!

0
 

master
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box
(3mo)
@Ravenousbird So what is your "nom de twat" and in which category?

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@delamitri i see sex is instinctif knowledge as you all presented before, so Happy party

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senior guru
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master
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(2mo)
@Lurkio We were taught in anthropology that a young male ape who's a virgin,needs instruction on how to have sex from an experienced female ape.--not joking!!--supposidly he would not know how!!or,he'd go solo maybe.(do little boys or maturing boys have any idea without hearing stories on street corners,how to do it?(Or in class).

0
 

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@clarachan1355 Supposedly sex is instinctive to humans (and other species too, but let's keep this simple), so in theory a boy and girl with absolutely zero knowledge of sex need only get naked together, and, given a short amount of time learning about their anatomical differences, they should then be able to figure out how to have sex together without any assistance.

Of course, instinct aside, kids do pick up all sorts of 'knowledge' from friends and classmates, plus I'm guessing most schools still run Sex Ed. lessons to some degree or other. And then, for the lucky ones, they'll also get 'The Talk' from their parents; and nowadays it's unfortunately highly likely most kids will have viewed at least some porn at some point, either in a magazine, or more likely on TV/video/online somewhere, so outside of someone from a very strict religious upbringing where access to porn is limited or non-existent, and where sex as a topic to discuss openly might be a big no-no, there's actually very little chance of any young person having absolutely zero knowledge about sex before they actually get to do it for the first time.

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Huh. We've a Christian forum preaching "free speech"

HAIL SATAN!

... and I don't even believe...


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master
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box
(3mo)
@Ravenousbird Could do with a wax job but pretty fit if you are into horns and pointy ears and red wings. You still have wings RB so it could be an ice breaker.

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@box He's got a wee bit extra there. Some landing equipment I don't come with...

smiley

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master
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box
(3mo)
@Ravenousbird smiley True. But I am sure his ground staff could help out.

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senior guru
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master
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@Lurkio BEST INSTRUCTION for a thingie!!--really, thing to keep in mind!!--if you don't wanta shot-gun wedding,or have to get outta town!!--and if yer a right-to-lifer,you are in hot water!!

0
 

God
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@Lurkio smiley
Not the babies!!!

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I'm your banana man, that's what I am, I'm here to do, whatever I can, be it early morning, or late afternoon, or at midnight... it's never too soon.





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master
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@Ravenousbird great song lol enjoy your day my friend.

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God
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@Lurkio Make mine a double.

0
 

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@delamitri Try looking at the image from further away... smiley

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God
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@Lurkio Now I want olives and salt on the rim of my double. smiley

0
 

master
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box
(3mo)
@delamitri Now I see what you see! I didn't get that before.

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God
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0
 

God
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master
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@delamitri PRETTY ACCURATE--I celebrated when i went thru "the change",I had hardly any bad symptoms,no chills,hot sweats,only no period for 2 months.--I wouldn't have known but they did a blood test,inna lab,i think.--"You are going thru early menopause."

0
 

master
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@clarachan1355 ---YAY!!!!

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God
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@clarachan1355 That's awesome, no bad symptoms. I hope I have it that easy. Especially without hot flashes. 👍

0
 

master
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box
(3mo)


Well, she obviously hasn't been keeping up with the forum news in the latest 2MOoOBs Enquirer!

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God
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@delamitri build the wall.

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God
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@uunboundd If I build it-they will come.

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master
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box
(2mo)

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God
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0
 

master
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@box Copy the Great Wall of China--too expensive,no cheap.OK,I bet they have to put up semi-hidden electric fences in places,and "Intruder Alert"--laser electric beams, like in some banks;when people cross it,the police or guards get them.Some places will require all kinds of hi tech alert for people crossing borders.i am sure that's going to happen,sooner or later,all these people massing against the borders? they will set up more harsh border systems.you think other countries don't have perimeter systems to keep people out,or keep em out!?communist countries,ect.---if it gets worse,or more hostile,they'll put up severe border-"walls"cause countries do that in bad times;keep all outside people out--for whatever reasons.

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@clarachan1355 I think they're probably talking about a different kind of wall to be fair, one not related to any kind of politics, and with a series of small, strategically placed, holes in it at roughly adult hip/waist level... smiley

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master
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@uunboundd This woman was married to Frank Sinatra,and she let him put out ciggeretes on the back of her hands.--a friend saw it,And she made excuses for him.So how normal do you think that marriage was??

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@clarachan1355 not very, neither is she for that matter.

mosesfarrow.blogspot.com/2018/05/...

0
 

God
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@uunboundd Wow. That's a jaw dropper right there. Remind me to sucker punch myself if I'm ever caught complaining about any aspect of my childhood. Poor kid should just rent out a room in the home of a psychiatrist. 😳

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@delamitri poor kid is in his thirties at least, and a licensed therapist.
nonetheless i don't think any amount of psychiatry can fully heal the damages from such injustice. she should have been exposed years ago.

forget the sucker punch and give yourself a hug instead.smiley

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@delamitri Some people should leave the sarcasm to the experts, especially online...

0
 

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(2mo)
@Lurkio i think hammer is a strain of weed, actually.

0
 

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@uunboundd If he'd said 'keep hammer beside my bed' then maybe I could believe he was referring to weed, but he said 'a hammer', and while he's clearly not the sharpest tool in the drawer to have even thought posting that reply was a good idea, that's a pretty simple bit of English to make such a basic mistake on.

0
 

admin
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@Lurkio I wanna be .... your sledge hammer, why don't you call my name?

PHIL COLLINS.

CALL him. Now.

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master
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box
(2mo)
@Ravenousbird That might be the OTHER lead singer from Genesis.

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senior guru
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@Ravenousbird I called Phil Collins, he said because there was something in the air tonight he couldn't make it, then he asked why can't it wait until morning?

So I thanked him and called Peter Gabriel, and at first he said don't give up, and then he asked if it would wait until after he'd finished climbing up on Solsbury Hill.

0
 

God
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God
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0
 

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box
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God
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(2mo)
@box That's how I am with moobs.

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master
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box
(2mo)
@delamitri and that is why I am so focused!!

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God
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(2mo)
@box Hahaha!!

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master
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box
(2mo)
@delamitri I think I misinterpreted this and why my response seems a bit strange, but I think you understood the meaning D.

0
 

admin
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Hmmm what a dull lot ye are.

Box O sex...


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God
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@Ravenousbird Really though. When I buy sex toys, I expect actual penis, dammit!

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admin
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@delamitri This is Boxies only protection against the penis seeking Box lovers!

0
 

God
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@Ravenousbird Hahahaha, I hadn't thought of that. Poor Box would otherwise be inundated with prying eyes and fingers! smiley

0
 

master
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box
(2mo)
@delamitri No glory in the Glory Holes, no penis' in the Sex Toy Box ... What next?

No boobs in the bras?

No twats in the thongs?

No blows in the BJs?

What is the world coming to?

0
 

God
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@box We're going to have to revolt, Monsieur Box.

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master
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box
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master
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box
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God
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Not quite the way I remember it.


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master
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box
(2mo)
@delamitri Things have moved on since your day D.

I remember those things were used for opening garage doors and changing the channel on the tv.

Now they make girls want to have a pee?

0
 

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@box Nowadays there's literally a smartphone app, and a matching internet-connected vibrating device, for that...

0
 

admin
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admin
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@chaseyerself Woo hoo!!!

Oh yeah!

+1
 

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(2mo)
@Ravenousbird my wee gran use to say " LIKE A BROKEN GATE ON A WINDY DAY 😆 SWING BOTH WAYS " hahaha

+2
 

master
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box
(2mo)
@chaseyerself A woman before her time.

+1
 

master
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box
(2mo)
@chaseyerself Are we back to the glory holes again?

twomovies.tv/forum/thread/sex-100725#com....

Cause I think they should carry a health warning.

+2
 

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@box hahahaha

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master
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box
(2mo)
I had D's phone hacked and found CB's Valentine's Day card to her


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God
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@box Hahahaha, pink dot and all. Very good, Monsieur Box.

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master
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box
(2mo)
@delamitri What are you suggesting dahlink?

No sireee ... not my phone and we all know where the pink dot comes from.

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God
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(2mo)
@box I cannot deny the pink dot. smiley

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God
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@delamitri The black ink over her face is a wee bit disturbing! smiley

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@Ravenousbird Shhhhh, I'm hiding my identity.

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senior guru
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God
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@delamitri Where do you find these?

LOL

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(edited)
@Ravenousbird i think she's publishing a tell-all before hubby finds her diary smiley

[SPOILER]

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@uunboundd How do you know that the names have not been changed to "protect the guilty" and he's the other person she always mentions?

smiley

lol

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@Ravenousbird It's my secret super power.

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admin
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@delamitri Oh. My. God.

smiley

smiley

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admin
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LOL


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@Ravenousbird RA-VEN-OUS-BIRD!!!
It took me THREE DAYS to get that video outta my head and NOW you bring it back!!

RAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

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admin
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@Adrian88 LOL are your eyes burning? smiley

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senior guru
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God
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@Lurkio It better be chocolate! 😠😈

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@delamitri Presumably the prizes would be random, but money-off vouchers such as that would hopefully allow you to choose your preferred flavour of cake/ice-cream/dessert. smiley

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(edited)

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@delamitri 1: Labour
2: Porn
3: Porn
4: Labour
5: Porn
6: Porn
7: Labour
8: Porn
9: Porn
10: Labour
11: Labour
12: Labour

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God
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@Lurkio Nice! I'm on the fence with 11, because it seems like she might be on her front. 😁

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box
(2mo)
@delamitri I'd say she is having a controlled Number two (on the toilet).

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@box smiley
That's all I see now.

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master
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box
(2mo)
@Lurkio Well impressed - This could be a University Challenge topic or even Mastermind.

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(2mo)
@box If only we had the answers, I'm all curious now to see how well I guessed.

As for #11, maybe she opted for a water birth and is kneeling in a birth pool.

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God
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@delamitri Wow, 9/12 correct... got #3, #6 & #12 wrong...

Wait, #12 is porn? Really? And #3 isn't? smiley

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@Lurkio This was started by a rich aunt for a baby shower game and the prize was a $1500 Cartier watch, so she deliberately picked some hard ones.

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sexual education - the ultimate professional guide by Adrian 88




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@Ravenousbird I can't even wrap my mind around all that information, let alone swallow it. smiley

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@delamitri haha smiley

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God
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God
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You'll only see it once.

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@uunboundd smiley smiley
Very clever!!

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master
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box
(1mo)
When you have to spell it out ...



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box
(1mo)
Limerick

There once was a passionate pastor
With feelings he never could master.
His ejaculations
Baptized congregations
And hung from the ceiling like plaster!


Meanwhile.... Older men can sometimes be helped with the following rules of thumb for frequency of intercourse in relation to age:

Under 25 = Twice daily

25–35 = Tri-weekly

35–45 = Try-weekly

45–55 = Try-weakly

55–65 = Try, try, try

65–76 = Try anything (golf?)

75 and over = Try to remember

Source: Manhood: The Rise and Fall of the Penis

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(1mo)
@box That's so clever. Try-weakly smiley

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master
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box
(1mo)
@delamitri It's all downhill for us after 55!

I think the Ladies might be in a better position.

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@Lurkio Haha, that's actually really cute. smiley

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Lurkio :)

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(edited)
Batgirl.... afterwards...


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admin
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@delamitri That tongue is intimidating. Woo hoo! smiley

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master
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box
(1mo)
@DemandingFemale smiley smiley smiley

Looks like a lot of information on the way through.

I hope it is all set up on your end DF and you can handle the deluge when it comes.

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(1mo)
@box Yup. I'm all set.


+2
 

master
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box
(1mo)
@DemandingFemale Those stilettos ... gulp!

+1
 

admin
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(1mo)
@DemandingFemale smiley if I ever see random information coming through a hole in a public toilet I'll be using my axe, too!

+2
 

admin
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(1mo)

+2
 

God
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(1mo)

+1
 

admin
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(1mo)

0
 
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